Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
