Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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