It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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