he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm like, not good at living.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
