She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
