Your dad touched me again.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
