But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
