Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
