Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
