Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
