weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
