addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
