When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
