you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
