Are we in a gay sports bar?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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