just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
