i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
