I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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