Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
