We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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