great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
