apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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