There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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