I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
