I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
