In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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