Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
