They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
