dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
