Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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