Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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