Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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