wakey wakey hands off snakey
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
