im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
