remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
