so that wasnt chicken after all
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
