turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
