somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
