gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
