You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
