apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
