You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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