Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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