he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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