Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
