For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
