remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Can you bring me the toilet please
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
