I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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