That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
