at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
