Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
