ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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