i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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