The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
